(Typed by Catherine and drafted by Paul)"Dear friends
I am so grateful to Catherine for her maintenance of my blog these last few weeks. We discussed whether I might say a few words, given that I am still lucid. Actually there is a reason for me, obviously first and foremost to thank you all. Your encouragement through the blogging and the many emails has been so sustaining and has made me so proud.
But there is also a serious matter which has been at the heart of the blog, and indeed to which I referred during my last entry, and that is the philosophical problem. Part of the response is the writing of letters to grandchildren and part is the chance to fully enjoy life with my immediate family. But there is a question " why stop fluids?", "is that a form of giving up?". No. This form of palliative care is the best possible when there is total loss of bowel function. In the four weeks in hospital, I could eat nothing, it was all vomited back. For the last two weeks I could drink nothing, it was all vomited back. During the last three weeks there was no bowel movement nor did I pass wind. So by about one week before the date of my release last week, it was the consistent opinion of the oncologists and palliative care team, that my bowel had stopped. At that point, I made the decision to stop fluids because it was best advice. Indeed it has allowed me to increase substantially my quality of life by allowing me new options. Yesterday I got the medical team to insert a NasoGastricTube to my stomach, never fun in the insertion, but once there very comfortable and enabling me to drink a full cup of tea, with all the delicious associations, just to have it immediately diverted to my drain, with no influence on the ongoing dehydration.
As a consequence all discomfort has gone. As weakness grows my sleep becomes deeper and for longer, and with good dreams. I am entirely without pain. I am surrounded by love and, while I am so sad to leave you all, and especially Miang with whom I only got to share 8 years (Ah but what years!) I am happy."
I am so grateful to Catherine for her maintenance of my blog these last few weeks. We discussed whether I might say a few words, given that I am still lucid. Actually there is a reason for me, obviously first and foremost to thank you all. Your encouragement through the blogging and the many emails has been so sustaining and has made me so proud.
But there is also a serious matter which has been at the heart of the blog, and indeed to which I referred during my last entry, and that is the philosophical problem. Part of the response is the writing of letters to grandchildren and part is the chance to fully enjoy life with my immediate family. But there is a question " why stop fluids?", "is that a form of giving up?". No. This form of palliative care is the best possible when there is total loss of bowel function. In the four weeks in hospital, I could eat nothing, it was all vomited back. For the last two weeks I could drink nothing, it was all vomited back. During the last three weeks there was no bowel movement nor did I pass wind. So by about one week before the date of my release last week, it was the consistent opinion of the oncologists and palliative care team, that my bowel had stopped. At that point, I made the decision to stop fluids because it was best advice. Indeed it has allowed me to increase substantially my quality of life by allowing me new options. Yesterday I got the medical team to insert a NasoGastricTube to my stomach, never fun in the insertion, but once there very comfortable and enabling me to drink a full cup of tea, with all the delicious associations, just to have it immediately diverted to my drain, with no influence on the ongoing dehydration.
As a consequence all discomfort has gone. As weakness grows my sleep becomes deeper and for longer, and with good dreams. I am entirely without pain. I am surrounded by love and, while I am so sad to leave you all, and especially Miang with whom I only got to share 8 years (Ah but what years!) I am happy."
The photograph shows the elegant teapot and cups which Paul is drinking his tea from. We don't want to frighten you with any more photos of Paul!
Paul is now at the stage where he has decided he won't have any more visitors, apart from immediate family. We hope you understand.
Your sharing continues to amaze us Uncle Paul. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteShaun and I are sending our love and thoughts to you all.
Vikx
Dear Paul and family,
ReplyDeleteThank you all so much for the steady communications. Paul, your blog continues to be a source of education as well as affectionate communication with the rest of us. You are teaching us how to die as you taught us how to live. We also learn so much from your family about how to take care of someone who is ill, how to ensure comfort and communication, how to handle it all gracefully.
All of you are in our thoughts every day.
Love, Carol and Ed
Once again i read your blog with tears in my eyes. I know it is hard for the rest of us having to come to terms with not having you around. I have always enjoyed your humour and will always be around for Miang if she needs anything. I wish you well on your journey and am so proud to have known you. You have a generous spirit that can never be replaced. Alan
ReplyDeleteMy dearest Uncle Paul. I'm happy you don't have pain and that you could enjoy a lovely cup of tea. I know you have your loved ones with you and that is all we can ever want. You are a truly marvelous uncle, thank you for hanky hats, disappearing thumbs, suprising me for my 21st (a very very special surprise) and many many happy times.
ReplyDeleteAll of my love to you always, Becci.
Paul, you continue to be an inspiration to all of us. You have touched us in so many ways. I am glad Henry and Irianna had the chance to meet you. Big hugs to you. Marisa
ReplyDeleteMy best thoughts are with you!!!
ReplyDeleteYou and your family are a lesson of true love.
It is my pleasure having met you.
Wish you peace.
Um Abraço Gigante!!
(A Gigantic HUG!!)
Paul ... we have never met ... but I think you have inspired quite a few like me .... strangers perhaps ... but thanks
ReplyDeleteSimon
Paul,
ReplyDeleteI had a business colleague years ago whose passion for his career was such that he once claimed to me that he "lived and breathed" his vocation "through the pores of (his) skin".
His somewhat melodramatic language perhaps belied the fact that his homeland was Switzerland and not some North Mediterranean country like Spain.
Like Simon (above) we too have never met. However, I have heard your lectures. Listened to your interviews on National Radio such as those conducted by Kim Hill. As a layperson I have read whatever came my way about you not just as an outstanding individual in your particular field of science but as a human being .
Who could but be impressed?
My thoughts are with you
David