This wasn't supposed to be

Nearly a year ago, in early May 2010, Miang and I walked part of the skyline track on the Northern Walkway near Mount Kau Kau. I had just begun chemotherapy, and my oncologists had given me limited survival prospects. It seemed unlikely that I would last much beyond the end of the year, and Christmas 2010 seemed a remote and indistinct place, at best inhabited by a very sick Paul, with some visiting family in attendance.

Today we climbed up KauKau, and again walked the Skyline in perfect weather, this time completing a 3 hour circuit via Crofton Downs. I felt monstrously well, and couldn't help but reflect on all that had passed over the 12 months since last I was up there. What a year it has been, and how much I am aware of the pivotal transitions represented by the triple chemo course I took from April to August, which significantly reduced my tumour burden, and then the extraordinary surgery in Sydney, which, whatever the longer term outcome, has undoubtedly given me a new lease of life, beyond the expectations of early 2010.

I had spent the morning with medical students, opening their conference and participating in a panel discussion on healthcare. The afternoon in the sunshine high up above the city, with views to the South Island, was bliss. Now I have no anxiety about the end of this year.

That is not to say that I believe I will survive 2011. Indeed I have neither knowledge of, nor care about, my lifespan. This last year's experience has brought me to a state of mind where I enjoy each day, dismiss, and if necessary, walk away from, that which detracts from well-lived moments, and I know that my life's duration, as for all of humanity, is as uncertain as it is irrelevant.